EscaBunch the Vampire Slayers
by Hello1
Summary: Ever wondered what it would be like if the Esca-Gang where all Vampire Slayers? Read on to find out. Rated PG13 for bad language. Chap 4 up! R&R!
1. Default Chapter

I don't own Escaflowne or any of the characters in this fic, and i don't own Buffy either 

Esca-Bunch the Vampire-Slayers 

Van=Xander Allen=Angel 

Hitomi=Buffy Dryden=Giles 

Folken=Oz Dornkirk=Annoying! 

Millerna=Willow Moleman=Will not get much of a part. 

Merle=Dawn Marleen=Dead 

Dilandau=Spike 

One wonderfully sunny day, the very funky Esca-gang came out from Bunnydale High School, and a very ugly old fogey came up to them. 

"Are you: Hitomi Kanzaki, Van Fanel, Millerna Aston, Merle Fanel(?) and Folken Fanel?", he asked. 

"Yes", they all said together. 

"You...*gasp*......are.....*pant*.......the.......chosen.........*gasp*......ones", said the old man. The poor old geezer was so out of breath because of recieting and saying all those names. 

"Chosen for what, exactly?", asked Millerna. 

"To fight pure and utter terror and EVIL, EVIL, EVIL I TELL YOU!"-Thunder and lightening crash in the background, as the old geezer laughs insainly, who i have just decided to call Bob. 

Merle hides behind her big sister, Hitomi, and asked: 

"Who are you, anyway?" 

"My name is Bob" (Told you i'd call him Bob) said Bob. 

"What type of Evil must we fight?", asked Van. 

"Come to the grave-yard tonight, and i will show you". 

THAT NIGHT 

Hitomi and Merle walked to the grave-yard, and when they got to the gates, they saw Folken. 

"Hey 'Tomi", he said. "Have you seen that Bob geezer around here? Maybe he finally figured out how lame he looked and was, so he got funky and went to that new club, 'The Gronze'. 

"If your gay enough to picture an old man dancing in a night club, then i think your gay enough to go and shoot yourself", said Merle sarcastically. 

"HEY", shouted a voice from halfway across the grave-yard. 

"Look, its Van and Millerna", said Hitomi. 

Millerna runs towards then in slow motion, with her hair blowing in the wind, and a whole bunch of other crap that i can't be bothered to write, when a right ugly turd with a completely mingeled in face runs towards her with a shotgun. (Guessed what creature it is yet?!) 

The vampire (sorry if i wrecked it for all those extremely SLOW people out there) pulled the trigger, and the bullet began to travel towards Millerna. (Remember all this is in slow motion) 

"Hi everyone! Sorry if i'm late for the...........BOOF!" Moleman appeared right infront of where the bullet was aiming, and it smashed him in the face. (I'm not much of a Moleman fan incase you haven't noticed!) 

"AAAAWWWWW! What a shame!" said Van sarcastically. 

"Now, now. Just because the ugly pervert is dead, doesn't mean he/ it doesn't have feelings.....oh, wait a minute", said Hitomi. 

"So, your all here", came a voice which sounded oddly like Bobs. Guess who it was............BOB! 

"Oh, hey Bob", said Merle. 

"Hey". 

"Now", said Folken, "what was it that you wanted us to do?" 

"You, Van, Millerna, and Merle hold this vampire down, and Hitomi will stake him-in the heart", said Bob. 

"Fine by me", said Van. 

"Only because your the one who's not staking him!", said Hitomi. 

"Whatever", said Van 

Hitomi staked the vamp, and instead of turning to ashes, he turned into pretty pink flowers. 

"AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW", squealed Millerna,"How pretty!" 

"Oh, get bent!"said Van. 

"Bob?", said Merle,"i've figured out that we protect people, but who will protect us?" 

"Don't know, don't care!", said Bob,"But there is a man called Mr.Dryden Giles who will teach you about demons." 

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah", moaned Van. 

Bob punches Van in the face. Hitomi covers Merle's eyes with her hands. 

"Think of the children!" Hitomi wailed, "Violence isn't always the answer!" 

"It is now!" said Folken. 

"I don't like your attitude, young man!", Bob said to Van, "You all need to learn how to fight, for you are this generations slayers, and soon, you will face you biggest task yet." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" 

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This was the first chappie of my fic. Flames, comments and a bunch of other stuff are welcome. I'll post the next chappie as soon as possible if you want me to. 


	2. Introducing Dryden

Esca-Bunch the Vampire Slayers. 

Introducing Dryden 

"You will face your biggest task yet", Bob told the slayers. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." 

"I have printed pictures of the four masters of all vampires, who are staying right here in Bunnydale." 

"Well who are they?" asked Hitomi. 

"Here", said Bob, "Look carefully." 

The four Bunnydale High School students held their breath, and looked slowly at the pictures. As they saw them, Van let out a huge snort of laughter. 

"But they're the Telletubbies!", said Van, "Are you trying to tell us that the Telletubbies rule all vampires?" 

"Yes", said Bob dramatically, "Your task is to fight vampires, and kill the four masters. I must go back to the council, to tell them i have found you. Farewell!" 

Bob threw down a cheap smokebomb, and then ran off VERY noticably. 

"I guess there's no more trips to the mall for me then", said Millerna. 

"Come on", said Folken, "Lets go home, and then we'll find that Dryden guy in the morning." 

THE NEXT MORNING. 

"I still can't get over what happened last night", said Merle, as she and Hitomi walked to school. 

"Well, your gonna have too", said Hitomi, "It sounds as if we all have this job for a while". 

AT THE SCHOOL GATES. 

"Hey guys", said Folken, "What do you say we act like we own the place, and be mean to geeks like Bonathon?" 

"Yeah", said Van. 

And so, Hitomi, Van, Merle, Millerna and Folken walked through campus in slow motion- while everyone else around them walked normally. 

They walked into the school library, and Dryden came out of his office. 

"It can't be......?", he whispered. 

Millerna threw a strand of hair behind her shoulder. 

"I know, i know", she said, "I'm beautiful, no ned to remind me!" 

"Shut up, moron!", said Merle, "He's shocked 'cause we're the slayers-aren't you?" 

"Of corse i am!", shouted Dryden, "I am Mr.Dryden Giles, and i will be your 'Looker'!" 

"Wow, he's our Looker!", said Van, sarcastically. 

Dryden punches Van in the face. Hitomi covers Merles eyes with her hands. 

"Think of the children!", she wailed, "Violance isn't always the answer!" 

"If everyone is going to be punching me in the face", said Van, "Then i'm quitting!" 

"Why don't you quit your whining then", said Folken. 

"Cann it, hair-dye-boy!", taunted Van. 

"Hey", shouted Folken, "This hair colour is natural! Why does everyone say that?!" 

"Oy!", shouted Dryden, "This is a Library! Shut it, or get out!" 

"Gee's, no need to be rude!" 

"I will give each of you your weapens, and then we will research on the 'Four Masters", said Dryden. 

"You mean the Telletubbies?", shouted Van. 

"You said the Four Masters' names! You will die a slow and painful death!", said Dryden. 

*Whimper* 

"The Masters' best vampire is called Allen. You must torture Allen to get information", said Dryden. 

"Torture?", said Hitomi, "Isn't that just a tad bit harsh?!" 

"Not with Allen it's not", said Dryden dramatically, "I heard he's at the 'Gronze' tonight. Go, and make me proud!" 

THAT NIGHT. 

"Well, here we are", said Merle. 

"Hey hot-stuff", came a voice, "Wanna drink". 

The turned around to see who the speaker was. Standing before them, was a tall man, with long blond hair. 

"Hi, i'm Allen", he said 

********************************************************************************************************************* 

Dun dun dun! 

2nd chappie up and running. Thanx sooooooooooo much for the reviews! If anyone wants to flame me, you can FLAME ME LIKE CHICKEN! Sorry about that! I'll have the next chappie printed as soon as possible. 

To unknown-Wisdom: I'm a big Angel fan too! You'll see why i made Allen Angel in the next chappie! Thanx for the review! 


	3. Looks aren't always the same!

Looks aren't always the same! 

"Hi, i'm Allen." 

The 5 teenagers looked at 'Allen', and smiled. 

"Hi Allen", said Hitomi, "I'm Hitomi, and these are my friends!" 

"Whatever!", said Allen, "I didn't ask for your life story!" 

"No need to be so rude", said Millerna. 

"Well if thats the only way to shut you people up, then yes, there is!" 

"I've had enough of Mr. Barbie Man already!", growled Van, "You, me, outside, right now!" 

"OHHHHH, scary!", said Folken. 

"Your supposed to be on Vans side, asshole! 

"Oh yeah!" 

OUTSIDE! 

Van and Allen where circling eachother, like in western movies. All of a sudden, Van grabbed a drainpipe, and walloped it across Allens head! 

"Hey!" moaned Allen, "That hurt! Don't be mean!" 

At that moment, some drunk freak come up to them, and joins in the fight. 

"Who the hell are you?!", asked Van. 

"Somebody really ugly!", he screamed, and his face went all mingin'. 

"Ugh!", said Merle. 

Van let out a pathetic squeal, and ran to hide behind Merle. 

"Don't let him get me! Run, hide me! Protect me! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" 

"Oh shut up!", said Millerna. 

Allen started to growl, and he and the drunk freak (who is a vampire might i add) got into a REALLY big fight. There was the slapping, and the biting, and the pulling on hair, and the kicking, and a bunch of other stuff. 

Allen was then smashed against a box, which just HAPPENED to be wooden. It broke into splinters- convienient, eh?!- and Allen grabbed one, and staked the vampire. It, just like the other one, turned into pretty pink flowers. 

"I love it even more than before!", squealed Millerna. 

"I swear she's on drugs!", muttered Folken. 

FINALLY getting a hold of himself, Van figured out that he and Allen still hadn't finished their fight. So, he walked up to Allen, and punched him in the face. BIG mistake! 

"Come on!", said Van, "Get up, face me like a man, or for you, woman!" 

Allen turned his face towards Van, and the five students let out a gasp. Allen was a vampire (original, hey!). 

"Ugh!", said Hitomi. 

"Ahhhhhhhh!", screamed Van, "He's a vampire! We're all gonna die! Run, run for your lives!" 

"I know!", wailed Allen, "My face, my beautiful face! Oh, god i'm ugly!" 

"Well", Folken started, "There's one thing you got right". 

"You can't see me like this!", screamed Allen, "I must go and have a facial! By the way, i have a soul, so i'm on your side! I'm working undercover for the Telletubbies!" 

And, he ran off. 

"Stuff soul!", said Millerna, "He has one hell of a ugly face!" 

"Well, we had an interesting night!", said Folken, "We'd better be getting home. 

So the 5 slayers went home, planning on what they where going to tell Dryden the next day. 

They didn't realise that more trouble was heading there way. A pink car with multi-coloured flowers stopped outside, and crashed into the 'Bunnydale' sign. 

Out stepped a certain silver-haired man. 

"Home sweet home!" 

3rd chappie posted. I hope you liked it. I bet you can guess who the dude in the car was! Thanx for all the reviews! I now and officially love all those people who sent in reveiws! Keep sending them! I will be your friend for life! I will post the next chappie as soon as possible! By the way, that flame that was sent in, was a little note from my gay sister! I'll have the next chappie out soon! 


	4. SlayerSlayers

Slayer-Slayers  
  
Sorry i haven't updated for like.... AGES! Forgive me!!! Anyway................I don't own Escaflowne, blah, blah, blah! I have NO idea what else to write, so on with the Fic!  
  
Slayer-Slayers  
  
I left my last chappie at this: A pink car with multi-coloured flowers stopped outside, and crashed into the 'Bunnydale' sign. Out stepped a certain silver-haired man. "Home Sweet Home!"  
  
Chapter 4.  
  
The next day: "Allen is a Minger! Allen is a Minger!" Van was acting childish (as per-usual), and had been singing that little song all the way to school. "Shut up, Van!", shouted Hitomi. She was just upset, because she couldn't flirt with Allen, seeing how he was their enemy. (Well, sort of!)  
  
At School..... "Cooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!" "Urgh! Millerna's STILL alive?! Why is't she in a dustbin, or something?!" moaned Folken. (I'm gonna make Folken really kewl in this fic, because, come on, how class is he?!) "Ooooooooooooooo! I don't think thats a good idea", said Millerna, "I might brake a nail!" Merle starts making puke actions behind Milly.  
  
In the Library......... "Oy!, Dryden!", whispered Folken, "Make us a cup of tea, we've got good info for you." "This is NOT a restaurant!", shouted Dryden. "Ooooooooh! This is a library! Do not shout! Get out if you want to scream!", said Merle. "Shut it, candy-floss head!", said Hitomi. "Anyway.......", said Folken, "We have important information.........." "Yeah!", said Van, "We can now reveal, that........ ALLEN IS A MINGER!!!!!!!!" "Van", said Hitomi, "Shut up!!!!!" "Yeah", said Merle, "Shut it!!!" "Excuse me?!", said Hitomi, "What did you just say to my boyfriend? (A/N-I know that Xander and Buffy don't go out, but in the series of Escaflowne, Van and Hitomi do, so I'm doing it like that!) "I told him to shut up!", said Merle. Hitomi held up her hand, and said: "Don't even go there, girlfriend!" Merle charged and Hitomi, and started the kicking, and the hitting, and the hair pulling, and the biting. Folken comes along, and holds both of their heads with the palms of his hands. "Grow up!", he said. "Yes!", said Dryden. "As the slayers, you have to do everything i say! So, tonight, you will all go on patrol".  
  
Meanwhile, some place else.................... "Why do we have to stay HERE?!!!!!!", moaned the silver haired dude, "This place SUCKS!!!!!!" "We have to stay here, our gracious one, because this is where the Slayers are", chanted all of the silver haired dudes club, the 'Slayer Slayers'. (They Slay the Slayers) "Well, i'm getting out of this dump!", said the dude. "You can't, wonderful one!", said Chesta, "It is day-light!" "AW,Figgs!", said the dude, "Well, tonight, we hunt the slayers! Mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!" (Cheesy 'Bum, bum, bum' music plays in the background, while the Slayer Slayers raise their hands to their mouths. FREEZE FRAME!!!)  
  
Later that night....................  
  
The Esca-Slayers were sitting in the library, 'getting ready' for patrolling, when suddenly, music and smoke drifted into the library. All of the Slayers looked up. "What the fu...........?!" started Van. Colourful lighting flashes into the room, and a motorized-skateboard comes slowly inside. A dark silhoutte is standing on the board, and more dark figures are standing in the background. The Esca-Slayers could finally make out the music. "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Friendship lasts forever, never, never ends!" "Wow!", said Millerna, "This is my favourite song!" The skateboard suddenly stopped, and the dude went flying off it, and crashed into a bunch of book-shelves. "Aw, man!", said Dryden, "I'd just sorted those books out!" The dude quickly emerged, and regained his composure. He stood up, while his minions anxiously stood in front of him. He put one hand on his hip, and said: "Hello, boys and girls! Mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I am the famous Dilandau Albatou!!!" He gives everyone a pause, to stand back, and gasp. Crickets start to chirp in the background. His arms suddenly fall to his side. "Oh, come on!", he said, while rolling his eyes, "You must have heard of me!" Van lookes at Hitomi, who looks at Merle, who looks at Millerna, who looks at Folken, who looks at Dryden, who just looks back at Van. "I'm just here to let you know, that i AM the greatest vampire, EVER, and that, you are SO screwed! Mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Come, my pretties!", he said to the Slayer Slayers. They then exited the school. "Does........anyone know what just happened?!" Merle asked. **************************************************************************** ***************************** Right! That was the fourth chapter! Hope ya liked it! Sorry if the lay-out is all crappy and sorry for the long wait! I'll have the next chapter out soon! 


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